i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
