yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
