I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
