i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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