the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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