Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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