No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
