Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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