You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
