I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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