we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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