She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
