I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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