The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
