I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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