I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
