take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
