How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
