im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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