I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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