dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
