we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
