Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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