I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So squirting runs in the family.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
