i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
