is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize