Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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