For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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