sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
