Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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