I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
