just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
