The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Everything about him screamed your future.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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