Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am midnight drunk by noon
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She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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