You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Congratulations! We have a period
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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