i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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