You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
