You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
