I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
