why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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