I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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