Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
