One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
