New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
