I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
