im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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