I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
