We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
