i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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