Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
