I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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