So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
