Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
