swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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