Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
