Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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