Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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