I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
