it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
