i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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