We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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