I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just puked most of my soul out..
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