He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
