Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
