i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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