i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
