Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
