He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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