She said her name was "party"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
