im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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