you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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