By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
